I took action. I surrendered myself before You and withheld nothing. I did not arrive in this place lightly.
My first instinct regarding my sin was to utilize my own resources. My intentions may have been good but they were misguided. Likewise they were unsuccessful in every manner of speaking. So my surrender truly came out of utter defeat.
Had I stubbornly refused what would have become of me? Would I have been given wholly over to my sin? Would I have taken my own life? I cannot say.
My defeat was transformed into victory by way of surrender. In truth I was a captive and only defeat could create the environment for me to be set free.
By this world and its system these would seem like contrasting experiences; one contradicting the other. Yet by Your kingdom principles these were placed together like a hand and a glove.
In truth I long to return to those Indescribable days that followed. For months Your voice flowed into me effortlessly. I did nothing to provoke it. It was simply there.
In reality I theorize that it was unstoppable at this point… Not that I would have wanted it to stop! Every hour of every day I walked in a place that I never would have imagined to exist, let alone believe that it was possible for me.
I cannot say when that period of time subsided. While its coming was sudden its departure was gradual. It slipped from beneath me so gradually that I hardly detected it.
All this leads me to a three letter word that naturally forms a question, “Why?” Was I meant to be walking in this place to this day?
Is Your voice meant to forever flow so effortlessly through me? If so then the question is, “Why did it stop?” No doubt it was something I did, though I do not know what.
Do not misunderstand me, these eight years have been amazing. I have been baptized in water and in the Holy Spirit. I have been given understanding that is well beyond myself.
I have received miraculous healing in my body and in my soul. I have witnessed the same and others as I have ministered to them by Your Spirit. Yet those days of indescribable intimacy and childlike wonder are the ones which I long for like no others.
The gifts that I have been given by Your grace have molded and shaped me into who I am today.
For this I am forever grateful. Still I pray for those times to return because first and foremost, before any calling or title I may receive, I am Your child.
~ Mitch Salmon