A Testimony Of God’s Faithfulness

All I know is that The LORD Jesus Christ gave me a life worth living — because of Him being in it!

He came into my life and turned it around and gave it meaning. I live to worship Him and to draw close to Him in The Secret Place to listen to His still small Voice.

My mother told me that when I was a small child, I would write inspirational thoughts about God being The Creator.

My mother didn’t know where I learned this, because she never talked to me about God, nor did anyone else in her family.

I don’t even know how I learned to print, being so young. So, I know by what she said, that Jesus led me into His Secret Place to write at an early age.

Before I came to know Jesus as my LORD and Savior, I would sit outside and watch nature. I know The LORD sent me blue jays to watch while I listened for Him to speak.

I had a notebook that I wrote in. I knew the blue jay was a sign of joy for me to seek God as being Creator.

I remember asking my first husband if he believed in God being The Creator and he said he didn’t. His father was an elder in the Mormon Church.

Later in life I had gone through so much through turmoil in the family and as a result of the choices I made to escape the reality of my lack of a functional family life, I became severely depressed.

At the time I had given birth to a son who had been born with brain damage. His birth was a miracle that he is as well off as he is. He had lack of oxygen because I had a dry birth.

Many don’t even know what this is, because doctors watch closely that you have ample amount of amniotic fluid while you are pregnant.

It is severely dangerous for a baby to spend hours without ample supply. Levi was due to be born on July 4 and he didn’t come until September 17. So, you see how much time he could have gone without the amniotic fluid!

At the time of being depressed, I had realized that it was the result of having so much guilt of all that I had done in my life.

I lived a hidden life doing drugs, alcohol, and being promiscuous. God had his hand of protection upon me, guarding me against all the potential danger around me.

I used to hitchhike alone even at night. almost passing out on the side of the road, ending up in places with adult men who were cocaine addicts, passing out at a party where there were adult soldiers around.

You name it I was there in the most dangerous places. I was just a teenager and very naïve and trusting. I only got in trouble once and even then, God protected me that it didn’t develop into a dangerous lifestyle.

My first marriage only lasted nine months. I had gotten pregnant by choice because I knew we weren’t getting along, so I said I would let him go and just have his baby.

We got married three days before Levi was born, as the result of my mother and his father badgering us to get married. It wasn’t God’s will. I t never is His will to get married, just because you get pregnant.

At the time of my first divorce, my mother was going through a nervous breakdown. She was really manifesting demonic possession, because of the root of witchcraft in my father’s bloodline and insanity in her bloodline.

My father’s mother practiced witchcraft healing rituals. She would wave a butcher knife over one’s head to take away a headache.

Also, my father submitted to a ritual where several women cut his back with knives in the shape of crosses and placed a glass over the cuts and put candles over the glass to heat them up causing the blood to come up into the glass. This is what my mother said. I’m not sure this is true, because she was always lying to me.

I had nowhere to go, so by the grace of God, I had a temporary home with my first husband.

My father wouldn’t let me come home because my mother was in no shape for me to be around, with the severe possession of the enemy.

I would write my mother letters and she would write me back. I really missed her and lived for those letters. After she got somewhat better, I came home but the presence of evil was intense around her.

I didn’t know The LORD, so I was defenseless against the enemy. The enemy used my mother to put fear in me.

She would manifest terrible faces at me which was just demons manifesting. I went to bed afraid to breathe that she would make these faces at me.

Even to this day I have hard time breathing and still feel tense. Levi was in the presence of all this. I had him baptized in the Catholic Church at the time and then I could feel evil around him and see evil in his eyes. The devil was all around me!

Living with my mother was like re-living the Exorcist Movie, which she took Levi and I when Levi was an infant.

My mother always had mental problems. She kept me away from family and friends. She couldn’t get along with the neighbors and was always cussing at me taking it all out on me her trials with the neighbors.

As soon as I was old enough to take off I did. I would go off and play on my bicycle and stay gone till dark.

Then I learned I could go off farther and I did. She couldn’t find me any more, with her riding a bicycle looking for me.

We didn’t have a telephone, so they had to get one so they could find me. I ended up going farther and farther away, hitchhiking.

I would hang out at dangerous pool joints where many were heroin addicts. They would try to run over each other with their cars if they thought someone had stolen from them drugs or money.

I remember one night I wished I had a home to go to sitting there with a kitten….

I ended up on anti-depressants and developed nightmares for a year. I had to go to a psychologist and was told that I had escaped my whole adolescence through drug abuse ,so I was a child with special needs, having a child with special needs.

I knew I had to grow up overnight the best way that I could, to accept the responsibility to care for Levi. I was determined to do my best to quit drinking, etc., and be a good mother, but my mother fought me on this.

She wouldn’t allow me to get a job so I could earn money to get my own place. She wouldn’t allow me to discipline Levi, so he was very spoiled and wouldn’t obey at all. He was full of rebellion, which was witchcraft.

During all this time I went back to the bar and got pregnant and had an abortion and then developed more severe depression, guilt, and built a prison around myself.

I went through 35 years of suffering as post abortion syndrome. The LORD delivered me of all this when He told me that He acquitted me, that I was free to leave the prison I built around myself.

During all this time I remember in my heart I still wanted to turn my life around and to live right. I remember looking into a mirror and asking The LORD to forgive all my sins.

At that point I felt my turning point. My life was completely turned around to live for Him. He delivered me of the depression. Later he delivered me of alcohol, nicotine, and smoking marijuana.

In this period of time, I almost gave Levi to his father. I had a boyfriend at the time and I told him I had all Levi’s things packed in the back of Levi’s father’s truck.

God had me call my boyfriend to prevent what I was doing. The LORD wanted me to keep Levi. This man said he wanted me to marry him and we would keep Levi.

This marriage only lasted four years. The LORD had showed me that this marriage was unscriptural, because when I met him, he was still married — but separated.

The conviction in my heart was strong. I knew this was wrong. Being such a babe in Christ I chose the man over The LORD and turned from Jesus for a year.

The LORD never let me go. He always convicted me of my life not being with him. I tried to leave my husband but couldn’t, so I prayed, “LORD, You have him want to divorce me!” And one week later he said it and we got divorced.

I moved back home and went through hell again with my mother. God made a way for me to move out.

I lived alone with Levi for seventeen years, living for The LORD, going to a Church close to an hour away, where I drove two or three times a week.

Levi started having Grand Mal Seizures. I visited another Church where I met Lee. He came up to me the first week I visited that Church and he told me God put a burden on his heart for my son, where he was fasting and praying for him all week. Three months later we were married.

So, I would say I lived a life of isolation, of turmoil, of being with a dysfunctional family as an only child.

In the midst of all this I developed a deep love to worship The LORD and to write. God used the gift of writing all my life to draw me close to Him.

I live to worship Him in dance. That is my chief joy. It is like going on a vacation with Him. I carry the vision of intercession God gave me through worship.

During high praise one night I let out The Roar of The Lion of Judah. The Power upon that was so strong I thought it was going to blow me apart.

God told me that it was His Travail for the lost. The Roar would actually repel powers of darkness so the lost could respond to His saving Grace.

I told Him that if He were going to put that kind of Power upon me, He would have to give me a body that could contain it.

He said to stand in the gap, that The Body of Christ around the world would come to the place in worship in unison, where He could release this roar through them and this would usher in the end time harvest of souls.

This is my focus to stand in the gap when I worship. God doesn’t just see me — He sees The Body with me!

The LORD has used me to lay hands on the sick to watch them recover in a mighty way.

I know I have to get stronger in the area of Spiritual Warfare.

My life has been an intense battle to go deeper with The LORD. I’ve had to fight off so many hindrances over the years especially in the area of being social with others.

I know God is faithful. He began a good work in me and He will complete it and use me as the vessel He created me to be.

This is only the beginning!

There are so many assaults to overcome to be where God wants me to be in Him.

I know the best is yet to come, even with my son’s deliverance manifesting and where he would be walking in his own powerful ministry.

All things are working together for the good of those who are called according to His Plan and Purpose.

 

~ Yolanda Ballard

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Yolanda Ballard of At The Father’s Feet website, shares with you, the body of Christ, the words she’s received quietly sitting at the Father’s feet. I believe Jesus set the example for us to follow. Whenever He could He would come apart from the busyness of the world so that He could quiet Himself before the Father, for that is where He received direction and strength to carry out His will.

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