Modern times have brought us many comforts. People live in wealth and luxury. But, the Master still asks this question:
Lovest thou Me?
Lovest thou Me, more than these?
Lovest thou Me, more than these my child?
What will your answer be? Oh precious Lord, I love you more, than all of these, more than wealth, more than fame, more than the world. This old song settled upon my spirit the last few days, and it still remains.
Many of us face a turning point, a crossroads. There are some things, that are holding us back. We don’t really need to talk about what Jesus said, about giving up everything for Him. Back down the road, it seemed much easier to make that commitment. I want to share a couple of verses, given to me many years ago now.
“Delight thyself in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass,” Psalm 37:4-5.
I claimed that, and I just cannot let it go.
I’ve known others, that have chosen someone or something else, over their ministry. But before we go further on, may we ask, just what are the desires of our heart. For me, there were basically two. I wanted to live in the house of the Lord all of my life, I wanted to sing for Him and for his people; to use the talent He had given me. There is another thing, that I also wanted so much in my life; I never had that. Recently, during these past days, I had to wonder just why this song came to my mind so strongly. I think, I know.
I am faced with the question, that so many of us have encountered on this journey. Which, do I desire most?
In the midst of real agony over this, it came to me, that God already knew the answer that I would give. It took very intense heartbreak and oppression, for me to finally ask, okay God, just what is it, that you want me to do?
I can’t see my life going in the direction I had once hoped it would. I don’t think, it would even be possible. But that’s not the issue. The question is, whatever direction He chose for me to go? Would I be willing to choose that, rather than the other, I’ve truly longed for?
The question has hung over me, for some time now. Would I give up this other heart’s desire, for Him? I think I know the answer. But, I must confess, it’s been hard to choose; and I’ve even grieved over the thought of giving it up.
You see, He did ask for everything. Not wealth, nor fame, nor talent and recognition, and not money. It was decided, right from the first, that all glory and honor belonged to Him; that following the leading of the Spirit was the only thing that would be pleasing to Him. Some of us have wavered in that.
It does not matter what everyone else is doing; if others choose to be in some kind of competition, seeking fine edifices and a higher standard of live for themselves, it’s on them. We can say that we have sold out for Christ; but are we sure we are not hanging on to something we can’t let go.
I sincerely pray today, that I can take this precious thing that I so treasure, and lay it at His feet. The only sensible hope I have, is that God knows what is best for me; and I don’t. It’s never been my greatest asset, but I must learn to, “trust also in Him.”
I’ll likely weep some more. But the question, remains.
~ Robert Blackburn