And Just the Way HE Wants Me!
When I was born, April 16th in 1971. I came into this world with a defect.
I had what is known as a club foot. I believe that it has something to do with genetics as well as how I was carried in my mom’s womb.
My foot was curved inward in such a way that if it were left alone, I would have been a cripple. 2,000 years ago, even 200 years ago I would have been crippled for life.
I am blessed to have been born in 1971 when I consider this. To correct the problem doctors had to go in and elongate the tendon in my right leg. At least I believe that was the correction process.
After the surgery I was placed into a cast until I was 2 or 3 years old. During one of the cast removals, the doctor accidentally cut into my leg and the stitches. I ended up with a very ugly scar that went clear up to my knee (now only part way up my calf).
That’s not to mention the atrophying affects of being in a cast during those years of development. My right calf is MUCH smaller than my left and I have a 3 cm difference between the lengths of my two legs.
In 8th grade I had to have a surgery to destroy one of the growth plates in my left leg so it would hopefully slow the growth. I may have been 5’10” or more in the end, but in the end I ended up being 5’9” on one leg and 5’8” on the other.
These are physical defects. They are temporary. I will have them for as long as I am in this body. They remind me that I am NOT perfect.
Digging deeper let me share with you some of my additional defects.
I have ADHD. It has never been diagnosed by a practicing psychiatrist, but Lois and I both know that I have it. It plagues me throughout my years in school.
Sitting in a classroom and concentrating for extended periods of time was difficult, if not impossible for me. As a result of what wasn’t even diagnosed in the 80’s, my grades suffered and I was labeled as a “problem child.”
It is a mental defect, and I know that I will cope with it for as long as I am in this body. It reminds me that I am NOT perfect.
Going deeper still, I have had problems with sexual dysfunction all of my life. I have even considered the possibility that I was a sex addict. I know I have mentioned this before, and that’s OK.
For years I questioned God on this defect. I made me feel soiled and shameful. I was always hiding something. Out of the defects I have mentioned, this is the one that has caused me, and others, the most pain.
This is a spiritual defect and when I came to trust in the Lord fully, He REMOVED this burden from me! Still I am reminded by my past that I am NOT perfect.
When I fell on my face before God on the 21st of April for the 10th billion time (being a bit dramatic I know) I was no longer praying about how God could “help me out.”
He wasn’t bailing me out of a situation. He wasn’t saving me from myself only for me to take the reigns back. I was BROKEN before Him.
I didn’t WANT the reigns back! I NEVER want them back! I struggled with being my “own god” for 38 years of my life.
I had it all sorted out in my mind. I thought I knew what my career was. I thought I knew when I was going to retire. I thought I had my entire live planned out!
Yet with all of these things in place, I had no meaning, no purpose! I was living for me and finding NO gratification.
God called me to preach when I was only 8 years old. I remember specifically the conversation with my pastor and my parents. They all questioned me due to my young age.
Well, I am not a pastor from the standpoint of education. I have never been to seminary. I am not even a Bible scholar!
Sure I know the word well, but I can’t tell you the meanings of Greek or Hebrew words from the original text. Quite frankly, I don’t think that is anywhere close to the number one driver in my relationship with God.
All He ever wanted was me, just as I am. He wanted me broken. I COULDN’T fix defects, whether they were physical, mental or spiritual. He CAN fix all of the above!
So here I am at 38 years old. I don’t have my career planned. I don’t have my retirement planned. I don’t have my life planned out.
My life is FILLED with meaning and purpose! What about you? Do your accomplishments seem hollow?
Does your money give you a sense of security?
Does your job fulfill you?
I could list the questions, there are many! You already know what I am asking. Who is YOUR god and how is he/she working for you?
In closing I quote Colossians 1:15–18. You will always see me quote from The Message Bible. I recommend it to any dummies like me! I think this pretty much says it all!
“We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God’s original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels — everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.”
~ Mitch Salmon