Examined
There was a time when I thought I was a pretty good person.
Surely I didn’t have a lot of faults and I was more than certain I had been a really good kid. Now, you’ll learn if you work hard at it, that sometimes you’ll have to give yourself a break.
I loved The LORD from the beginning; I’ve never doubted that. All I ever wanted was to live for Him, sing for Him and serve Him in his house.
It didn’t matter what kind of outside circumstances assailed me; there was something special inside. Something far above me, and God knew it too.
But then life comes along. We don’t choose our surroundings or those who are closest to us in the beginning.
We have no control over those matters; it’s already been planned and put into motion. Life can change us.
People and the way they treat us and interact with us, form lasting and usually permanent attributes that may never change or go away.
There is still real value in that old verse that says, “train up a child in the way it should go.”
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it,” Proverbs 22:6.
I’m not always sure of the when it gets older part. I do know one thing; if you’re anointed of Him, you’ll come back.
Paul said that he did not examine himself; at least in this context. “I am conscious of nothing against myself.”
“For I know of nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord,” 1 Corinthians 4:4.
He seem to think he was a pretty good fellow and that his heart and mind were clear. But he went on further to say, “Yet, I am not by this acquitted.”
After all, we know how mightily he was used of God; how the Holy Ghost ministered through him and the great insights and revelations he had been given.
He finished this line of speaking by saying, “But the one who examines me, is The LORD.”
In the fear of The LORD, it seems there might have been some issues; like some risk of exalting himself.
Some of us have been digging in ourselves til we’re sore. We’re not talking about beating ourselves up or playing some kind of martyr.
May I take a moment to say that there are those of us who spent a lot of time doing just that. You can be too hard on yourself. I had a dear friend one time who told me “get off your own case.”
You know, it’s a hard thing to feel like God does not love you for some of the mistakes you’ve made. It took everything it took in my life, for me to learn how much God loves me. To truly discover, Jesus never left me at all.
What we’re taught growing up, especially what we were given in many years by our particular church, is all recorded.
Let’s give due honor to the good things that we learned that are true and backed up by the real Word of God.
Commandments, and there’s not much need in going there, that were not actually from God, are hard to erase.
You know, I never thought I was jealous or envious of other people; not me. And no one would have ever made me believe I hated anybody.
See, here’s the real crux of this. We were taught we were not supposed to.
As much as I dislike judgmental type people, I was certain I wasn’t like that. Making a decision about something or even someone before knowing all the facts.
It seems suddenly that I am talking too much about me, and not enough about us. But, we’re back to digging again.
It takes the Holy Ghost to show us ourselves; to reveal what is really in our hearts. With the mercy of God, He has removed some things that I could not remove myself.
It was too big and too deep for me to process it myself. But I had to see it, and do my part of the hard work.
Is it possible, that the Holy Ghost does not reveal hidden things in some people, because they do not want Him too.
Some of my written in stone doctrinal issues and my zeal, did not allow me to love people as I was told to do.
LORD help us all today, not simply to repeat to others only what we have been told. Let us study for ourselves; be taught of the Spirit on our own as well as what others tell and teach us.
God allows some things to help us change that which He cannot use. I want Him to use me in this final hour.
Search me, oh God!
~ Robert Blackburn
Thank you.