This means much to me!
REALTALK: There are many persons asking this question, SHOW ME HOW TO LOVE.
It’s ironic that a person will say they can accept the love of God, but yet can’t accept the love created from a romance.
I shared this little piece before but wanted to share it again after listening to so many women in pain from either molestation rape or abuse.
There is so much pain locked away in my heart. You will not understand the pressure built up in me.
I am enclosed in a cage of silent rage and outburst of anger. I feel the burden everyday of my secret shame.
I’m trying to open my heart to love but it’s hard. The only love I knew was tainted and full of hurt.
Locked inside of me are emotions that I have not been able to release. Some days it seems there is no life in me no substance in my soul.
I long to feel free to give my heart to someone that loves me but the sorrowful memories of pain hold me captive and keep me in a state of never feeling fulfillment.
Who can love me, past the memories?
Who can love me past my hurts?
Who can unlock the desire for love from within in?
Who can really see my soul?
Where is the one whom they say God has preordained and predestined to make me know true and pure love?
Where is the love that can empty out of my soul the ugliness of the injustice? That took my innocence? That took my identity? That has taken my future happiness?
Who has the love that can take me out of this frozen place in time were I continually feel the pain of the injustice that was inflicted on me?
That place of time of emotional turmoil that keeps me in tears that keeps me suspicious of anyone who says I love you?
That makes me distrustful of anyone that shows they care?
Where is the one who can see me not the mask, not the pretense of happiness, not the person whom I created, so that no one can know my shameful past, my secret pain, my hidden hurts?
Who has the patience to show me how to love when I’m afraid to open myself to anyone? Afraid to drop my guard afraid to open my heart!
LORD, I’m waiting on this pain to go away.
It’s not that I don’t want love, but I need to know how to love!
How do I know what is the right way to love when all my examples of love have been impure and reckless and full of wickedness?
I wonder if the person who abused me, knows that their impure example of love has contaminated my pure soul!?
I was waiting on the one who can show me how to love, and He showed up in a moment in my life were I was at a place of not knowing if I could understand love.
YESHUA Hamashiach came into my life when it seemed I would never know what love would ever be.
The reality of love occurred when i found Christ; when I found myself letting my heart open to trust again.
True love is experienced in the knowledge of Christ’s sacrifice for us.
~ Apostle Barbara R. Thomas
Apostle Barbara R. Thomas is founder of I Come to Heal Ministries, A Woman’s touch Ministry, The Next Dimension Global Outreach Ministries and Spoken Word School of Ministry and is on a mission, traveling the world, proclaiming the Gospel, for souls to be won to the Kingdom of God. She has life mandate to help bring others to their divine purpose.